Resolve

Evening, guys.

just switching things around a bit. one of the things i dislike about my blog is the font and the layout. the font in my opinion is too small (but that's only me i guess, ill rerun a poll), and everyone else's blog kind of has the text in the middle zone, while mine is the middle + right zone, if that makes sense. it makes paragraphs last for 2 lines, which I don't like. we'll see how this post turns out.

I have a crumpled piece of paper next to me. it has things written on it, quite neatly, actually. more than usual. (usually i write m's with an extra arch, like a (nnn), and i never cross my t's, and i probably didn't on this piece of paper either. time to find out, i guess. prepare to be wordstomped.

okay, apparently i can't quote inside a quote so i'll leave this text unquoted. it's like a reverse layout. also the control z and control y of blogger is really really quite bad. also its time to practise touch typing, which ever since i got this curved keyboard, has been really bad. i keep pressing two keys because the keys are all distorted and in the wrong place, and maybe, next year... okay, nevermind. not you guys. *excludes*


It's 5:30 and my train is due in 13 minutes.
//side note here, it was 15 minutes but it took me two minutes to sit down and decide i wanted to write things
Great timing with the bus again.

This morning I realised that I was going to have a terrible day. Life is one of those things, where if you aren't careful, it's going to ruin your day. Not even the thought of stargirl (thank you thank you thanks thanks thanks) made me feel any better.

But then after my double nothing, Chan Rhee overtook me on the stairs, saying "hi" as he zoomed past, like the indian myna which just swooped down onto the train tracks (right after two trains simultaneously drove
//drove? slid past? travelled past? travelled, i guess.
past), before lifting off and landing on some tree. And then after, he turned around and said something which I don't recall (perhaps it was "how was your weekend", but it probably wasn't that, that's too Brendanesque)
//By the way, thanks brendan for laughing at my satire. It's nice knowing that whatever I say, like, even if i said something that made no sense like "wouldn't it be funny if a meteor hit?", if i say it the right way, it will be funny. appreciate it, buddy.
I wonder if "esque" originates from Latin: es = you are, que = and. And I couldn't help but smiling for a second

I like that kid.
//wow did i really write that
Maybe it's something about the way he does everything the way you aren't meant to. Typical year 7 baulko kid style. Like writing about black mesa particle researchers (from the half-life game series by Valve). Or maybe repeating things like "i'm not good" "you're going to destroy me" and then destroying me in chess, embarassingly, because I'm bad. Maybe it's sticking around and being annoying. I don't know. Friendly and nice in a pesky way. I can only wonder what will become of him. Perhaps he will look back on his year 7 days as a senior, and mentally facepalm, the way i sometimes did.

The train is about to arrive. That was quick. Time sure flies when you are scribbling on a page torn from your year 11 chem book.

I had to wait a while before the m60 arrived. So I'll be arriving home around 30 minutes later than last week.
//ended up around 20 minutes later, i tihnk. tbh i dont reember last weeks retunr home time
But I don't mind. There is no accumulation of bonus pool compelling me to play.
//so i'll blog for a few hours

Afternoon classes are nice. Even though I might say around 10 words in the entire 80 minutes. Perhaps that is what is so nice about it.

I hope I'm on the right train. I just assumed. I hope the guy sitting behind me is not curious of what I am writing. At least he won't be able to read my writing anyway.

Morning classes, on the other hand, are not. It will be cold and sleepy tomorrow, and I wish there was a simple epping -> baulko public bus. Oh well.

Maybe I should find an alternate way home from school. That's what V thinks, at least. This is a very "roundabout" way home. I spend much time waiting, as this is a less-active train line. Maybe I should try from Macquarie Park. I don't know what bus that is, though.

It's surprising how there is no direct route to epping. They must have overlooked it.

I heard that I got 14 for eng ext. First I was like "yay" then he said "out of 20" and I was like "oh.". Literally.
//even the double full stop, which i saw but i left in anyway
//if you aren't careful, english marks might just ruin your day
We all have our shares of failures, although I may have a bigger portion of them.

speaking of which , my eco theory. checkout guys.
brb, epping. out of pages. d-double sided.
good timing. 4 minsb4central
//that was the train to central. i arrived 1 minute before the train to sydney terminal, but there were too many commuters. it's like how we don't catch the 3:49 train because it sucks.
//now i'm writing in the margins.
just saw amputee. josh
sunderquist
EW at 6.
guy in cadets
uniform on train

The end. *scrunches and rips up paper*. just like my absent from school pink slip.

I'll probably forget to take the roll for the rest of the week. Remind me. When I say that, I usually don't forget myself.

Okay...

When I said "speaking of which, eco theory":

I was quite "oh." and didn't know what to say. That was disappointing, for a few seconds. Actually I didn't really feel anything for a few seconds. "I'm gladder of dropping that subject", I thought as I walked to latin. You have to be careful with it, it might just ruin your day.

I figured that it is in line with my realisation of my uncreativity and unimaginativeness. I dislike the concept of marking subjectively (attempting to add "reliability" to the experimental process by having multiple markers (maybe)), a thing like "creative writing". I dislike it even more so because I suck at it.

I can't really pull anything from mid air. I can only build upon my own knowledge and understanding. I can think and theorise, and contemplate things which exist.

Like, I realised that if you think about it, life really isn't worth it. Up to a century of this, ... ... ... . And that's why I choose not to think about it.

"just play" is advice I give to people who overanalyse and strategise in games. (especially simple ones. you walk before you run. you learn to play before you develop your own style).

"just live".
just live.

But, you know, thinking, theorising, and problem solving aren't really things that are appreciated or tested in school.

So anyway, onto that eco theory. with checkout guys. For you economics HSC continuers. Please fix the world.

I thought of it when listening to someone's ext 2 english major work idea. Yeah, I usually don't listen when people talk to me. I'm busy contemplating the creation of a new economic system.

A major problem I find with the current economic system is that people are able to say silly things like "these new laser checkout systems are taking people's jobs! it's pushing up unemployment! it's ruining the economy!" "if you aren't careful, laser checkouts might just ruin an your day, employees out there!"

Maybe you agree with that. But it's wrong (unless we accept this dystopia) (incorrect use of the word)

For one, that machine is probably approximately infinity (my favourite thing ever) times more productive than labour. Maybe not, when you realise it takes electricity and consumer training, but screw that.

Anyway, this is why it's wrong. Here's how an economy should work. You get the labour force. And you get them to work. You get all of them to work. They are all making something, contributing to the output. The greater the combined output, the more everyone gets, when everything is distributed fairly, with acknowledgement of some people contributing more than others.

that's right right?

//also a thing to note for later down the post, if you take the unemployed people of australia who can and are willing to work but have no jobs available to them, and you create new jobs and tell them to make... tables; that's increasing the total output of the economy, with the same amount of people.

Okay anyway my original put-forward-plan of the theory just fell apart because i remembered one economic term which simplifies things a lot.

Anyway, this is what the laser checkouts are doing. They are taking over the jobs for checking out people (heh). They are effectively making that job obsolete. They are removing the economy's demand for check-out people.

And by doing that, they create unemployment. And you know what that unemployment means?

More tables. A lot more tables. Same amount of people in the workforce, but a lot more tables.


oh i just realised i had no idea i was saying tables, i got the idea of tables from my bedside table from woodwork yr9, not the idea of flipping （╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ tables.


anyway, the term i thought of was "disguised unemployment", (i think it was that at least), the one that wasn't in the textbook. Disguised unemployment, eg when 5 people are doing the job that 4 people can do.

When 20000 people are doing the job that 10000 machines can do.


Yes. We need more laser checkout systems. perhaps it will lead to the not-good futuristic reliance on technology, the matrix/ender's game, the unsocial network, but who cares. it's an improvement, and i don't mind if our world is run by robots and all we do is sit around playing starcraft all day. i would like that, quite a lot. it adds value to what i can do. although, it might just ruin your day.

And then I saw an amputee. I wasn't scared or anything. Whenever I see different people, I don't really feel anything. It's like they're normal people to me.

The other people around the train station didn't seem concerned either. Perhaps the world is becoming decenter. we might just have had enough of our day being ruined.

leg amputee, by the way. on crutches, with one leg. an interesting thing was, he could rest the part of his thigh on his crutches while waiting for the train as it was pulling in. it's like us leaning on a wall, except he can do that with his crutches. that's awesome.

anyway, josh sunderquist is an amputee, motivational speaker, paralympic (spelling bad) skiier, youtuber, friend of ijustines (never watched her). i would link you or tell more about some of his videos (a lot of them seem to be telling funny stories in his life which resulted from amputees, or about relationships which it looks like he's been through many, i guess adulthood is just like that, or a mixture of both of the above), but i realised (irony) that sharing things isn't really something you can do on a blog because it doesn't work. i'll stop now. my bad.

but thanks to the one person who voted "yes" instead of "yes but i wont click them". thanks.

And I got to eastwood a little after 6, and there was a guy in bhhs cadets, i think, it would be embarassing if i was wrong, uniform on the train. wonder what he was doing, so late. or how he got to epping in the first place.



And that is that, for that sheet that i wrote. wordcount so far? i don't know. let's say 950.

There's some other things i wrote on my foodpad last night. I also decided on the title of this post last night. I plan things weeks ahead. (i don't actually)

anyway, dinner. 7:37, which is actually the perfect timing. I haven't actually eaten much today. a little for breakfast. nothing for recess. pasta at lunch (the canteen isn't that bad anymore, or maybe i'm just better at eating food. maybe i was wrong about the canteen all this time (despite always going there every evrey day)_). and nothing else until now. good timing.

also a thing to type about when i get back is how i don't really eat anymore.



i used to always eat until i was full (which wasn't much because i don't know maybe i'm just built to eat little and not run around but sit and think).

now i just eat until i don't feel like it. sometimes it's almost nothing, but i still get through the day.

sometimes i wake up and don't feel like eating anything, at all. i haven't eaten since yesterday dinner, but i still feel full. a similar feeling. i just don't feel like eating, okay



moving on to foodpad. (ergh, food)

a thing i noticed was that when i walk (particularly home, on the pavement/sidewalk downhill when my footsteps are quite loud), i tend to walk with my footsteps as a constant beat, and i used to play bag-strap-guitar along with it, but now i also play percusion with my palms. i might have made a good drummer. probably not, though. you have to really get into it.

and then for some reason that reminded me of something which i have literally never considered before, which was hearing greg, a halfie from year 2 class, to whom i never spoke a single word (i didn't even know his name was greg until today), telling the teacher about how he was learning to play the drums. and as a demonstration( requested by the teacher) he played a simple 4/4 beat with 2 sticks, which is one stick hitting the table 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 and the other stick hitting on every 1, so it was like 1 rest rest rest 1 r r r 1 r r r 1 r r r. apologies if 1 looks identical to "r".

yeah. my memory. it might just confuse my day.



You forget things if you don't write them down. Like, I was in "the zone" at the train station, and wrote things down, and then i didn't write things down on the way home and forgot some of them.

Some things I haven't written down, and maybe I never won't. Even though it's nice to have your past self talk to you in the future, maybe some things aren't meant to be recorded. Best left behind.



I learned how inexperienced I am. At our age, things happen in days and months, with each year like a new stage of life. In real life, things happen in years. The big things, at least.

There's so much to learn about life, and I realised I'm not prepared at all. I really want to get out of here, but I actually have zero preparedness. School doesn't teach you that. Well it kind of does, but no, okay


It's nice to have lessons, though. even if they might just ruin your day.


I'm forgetting things slowly. forgetting moments, slowly. Maybe I should have written them down for when I'm older, or maybe it's just better to forget. I've even been forgetting all of those embarassing moments, which I haven't written down. I don't know why I wrote one of them down for you. Although to you they may seem like nothing, but it's different to me. Once in year 8 on the way to mr denett's class in year 8, I tripped on the stairs and then grace who was talking to someone else behind me said "woah, daniel, are you okay" and i said "yes" or something like that without looking back, and continued walking up the stairs. without tripping agian.

Even things like that. and now I'll remember it even longer. I don't want that, I want to forget.

There are somethings which I might never forget. It seems like that, at least, but I know it's only a matter of a few years. I had a dream around the middle of last year, which I can still remember. that's saying something, considering it takes me only a couple of moments to forget the dream when i wake up and remember the world.

I've only been happy a few times in my life. I'm not sure, but maybe all of them were dreams.

but what about that time (this) happened and you were like (this)?

that doesn't count. that's not happy. that's a different kind of happy. it's not real happiness. okay maybe it is real happiness. but it's a different kind of real happiness. it still doesn't count. ITS NOT THE SAME OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE

anyway, that ruined the mood. i suppose writing things at a later date ruins the mood. its something i wrote down at like 11:40, and the computer was off, and i had school on monday so i couldn't really stay up to 2am like other times, continuing the mood.


In those dreams, I know it was happiness. Because when you're dreaming, it's just the dream. nothing else. in real life, there's always a past present and future, and things to worry about, and consciousness. not in dreams.

that dream wasn't even measured in time. i don't know how long the dream actually was. maybe it was 5 seconds, maybe it was 20 minutes. you can't really tell when you're asleep.

but the dream was a moment. i don't know how you can measure a "moment" in time, but i'm estimating it was a fraction of a milisecond.

It was like a photograph.

It was just like a photograph, of a moment when i was happy, in a parallel universe. it was real.


special.


And I woke up and it took a few moments to remember the world.

but i still remember that now.


I wished I could just immerse myself in that dream, and never wake up. I wish I could abandon all existence, and spend the rest of eternity living that moment.

but eternity is a long time

you're right. but what is time to a moment? it's nothing.

a moment is a moment regardless.

the whole of eternity could pass in a moment, the sun could explode and eons pass after that, but it would still be the moment. i suppose you wouldn't understand that. it's not your dream.

i wish i could, but it's slipping from my memory. it's not the same. it's like the photograph is blurring.







and just something else, i don't really know about the string theory, because i don't understand anything about it, or anything leading to it. but seriously guys, there are not 9 dimensions. there are not 4 dimensions, either. time isn't a dimension. there are only three dimensions.

and you can say "but time is when a 3d object changes", and sure, but don't use the word "dimension" to label that.