Aurora

shoutout to davy who as of the time of starting this post is birthdaying


sigh, can't play (as many) games anymore after tomorrow. sucks


I should listen to FF in album form more often. So many songs lost since they didn't make it into a playlist. Takes me back.

I used to be able to play all of these. I can still remember some of them which is cool.

I think I'll never be able to drum. I can't even keep up with most tracks in my head, let alone keeping up while playing. It's okay, I don't need to be cool.


Yesterday I went to sleep before 3am and I couldn't fall asleep fast and then I had to think and it sucked. And then I had some exciting and/or trippy dream and when I woke up I could remember all of it and I was like "maybe I should write this down because it's interesting".

And then I didn't and I can't remember a single thing about the dream except the fact that it existed (which is kind of like all memories, eventually you don't remember anything about anything except the fact that it existed)


I've had too much thinking time in the last couple of days. I need to do something pointless to occupy my mind that isn't games. Like studying. (not games because my eyes get so tired during holiday periods, I think even though I wake up whenever, I still don't get enough sleep)

I originally had something real to say in this post but then that was some hours ago and I forgot.


-----

so i just played my last starcraft game ever until nov 8 (unless i'm going to be playing in the asian starcraft league which i probably will be actually)

and yeah that kind of sucks

There's this SEA event called "Race Wars". It's like a battle between the 3 SC2 races. Whichever race wins gets to be proud etc. And it was all pretty epic, but it all came down to one game. Me vs tgun. tgun is the player whose picture I put in my BB article which idk if it was ever published, why dont I put it here. 

http://www.mediafire.com/view/?d15hvv9i3eyvu7u

that's so cool, you can read it online. I think when I was writing this article I said something like "this is dumb and I'm going to feel silly when I read it in the bulletin. So I decided not to read it again just then. Problem? Ignore it. Solved.


Anyway it came down to me vs tgun. and I was pretty nervous going into the game since the whole fate of Protoss was lying on my shoulders as the ace player. (It's a team league, 5 players on each team, two starting players fight, and the winner moves on until their team gets 5 wins. It was 4-4 before my game. "ace" player is the last one.)

I was pretty nervous and derped a bit, but my mechanics (the ability to manage your base without thinking about it) carried me through and I played pretty solidly. Anyway long story short since telling stories doesn't work unless you are a starcraft player, it was an epic game and there was a standoff at the end because we killed eachothers bases and only our armies remained and then I lost. It was a situation I couldn't win, but definitely a situation I would have avoided going into in the first place if there wasn't so much pressure and nerves, I just rushed into things without thinking logically. There's a point in the game where your mechanics become less important and your ability to think rationally and make decisions becomes more useful.

It's funny because 2 games before that we could have won, but our player derped and lost his army.

And the game before that we definitely should have won, but our player derped repeatedly and lost everything in an incredibly embarassing fashion which was really sad.

In the end I don't really mind, at least it was fun.


It's funny because I had to replace-captain the team since "you're the only non-kid" because in reality everyone out there (and by "out there" I mean "online") is immature and stupid. Captaining didn't really mean much, just choosing [who plays next and on what map] after a loss.


and that is how i ended sc2 with a whimper.


which is going to be fitting because you only want to end with a bang if it's the end. it's not the end and that wasn't swan song. after nov8 I'm going to come back and have time to play seriously, (time which will actually be spent on facebook and dota instead of sc2)

And it's going to be pretty cool.


and now... it is time to study. whatever. 5/4 months, that's nothing. and only like 14 of those days are going to be not-chill study days (2 days before each exam).


I still can't remember what I wanted to say in this post. I know there was something. I know it. But... nothing.

I'm having dreams again and it's pretty fun. I should probably eat chocolate etc right before I sleep for more funtimes.

I remember the fact that I had a semi-nightmare recently. A scary dream. I don't remember anything except the fact that I had one.


hmmm still can't remember.


on the topic of cockroaches, http://twastheblurstoftimes.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/when-youre-gone.html

classic post. back when i thought staying up until 2am was late. NOPE. THATS EARLY.

good times.

does reading "yawning" make you yawn? what triggers the yawn? is it seeing the english letters? or is it the actual meaning/definition of "yawning"? do you yawn if you read it in spanish?

A question I still don't know the answer to. Maybe I should google it. That's a good idea. I should have thought of that one year ago.

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=152&id=2454

I read this and then I started to yawn, but about half a second into the yawn I sneezed. win?

Excerpt from website: "Another theory is that we yawn when we have too much carbon dioxide (say car-bon-d-eye-ox-ide) in the blood, and yawning makes us take in more oxygen (say ox-ee-jen)."

Did you do it?

Did you do it?

Did you?

I did.

You didn't?

Why not?

I thought you were good at following instructions.

Come on.

Let's go.

I'll start.

Car-bon-dee-eye-ox-ide.

Ox-ee-jen

Anyway... seriously? they're telling kids to say carbon dioxide as carbon d-i-oxide

i just glanced to the side, on the floor, and happened to look directly at a dying cockroach on the floor

I just glanced to the side, on the floor at the exact same spot as I did when I wrote that post last year. I happened to look almost-directly at a random pile of dust which is in the shape of a dead puppy. lol'd

um... these guitars are mine, i guess. thanks guys for helping get one in 09. i still remember how i was like "hahah, it's going to be so great. my parents are going to be like WTF WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUITAR", and then they didn't. like, my dad thought the sound was coming from the laptop. it's kind of like those headphones that jason and vincent got me for a 2 months late birthday present, i think.

this point was explained poorly. My parent's didn't notice I had a guitar. Then I started playing it and my dad still didn't realise for like 10 mins. When I got those headphones (which I don't use anymore but I did use them for a long time), they didn't ask any questions, maybe they didn't even notice I had them. Or assumed I stole them and didn't care.

i remember woodwork. it was pretty special to me at the time. but i'm not going to talk about it.

Whenever I use the word "special" it's an indication that I'm being serious. Favouritest word ever.

sometime in junior high school, i was sitting right here, on this chair, and then suddenly a roach jumped from the ceiling fan in my room, and landed on my shoulder. and i freaked out. i didn't scream, because, once you're older than 8, you can't scream anymore. but i was like ""AHHHH", and then it didn't get off and then my dad pushed it off, eventually.

My dad was like "wtf is going on here why are you screaming" and I was all "aaaaaaaa halp" and then he was like "dude u can just push it off urself LOL" and brushed it off.

What I meant by "once you're older than eight you can't scream" is that I actually physically lost the ability to scream, which is confirmed by my lack of screams playing Slender, and abundance of "ARGH"s

A lot of the time when you're talking about something, you use the word "you" if it's something that you hope your reader can relate to, when in reality the pronoun you should be using is "I" because it's something that happens to you.

once I grew older than eight I didn't scream anymore. I know I did scream that time there was the spider at the back of the old old old red car which had an R and a Q in the number plate, and this encounter was the thing that actually lead to my spiderphobia which was actually huge and has mildened only in the last few years. I think I've told that story about 10 times. I'll go look for a retelling of it in the post archives.

found so many things. like that time i kept seeing white butterflies everywhere. I don't see white butterflies anymore.
They all died for the winter.

and that time day9 played through amnesia and I copied a tweet about it "@day9tv doesn't always crap his pants in fear of chairs, but when he does, it's in front of 17,000 people"

and that time in year 11 when I caught the 630 more often that I caught the school bus and I said

"so yes, i'll probably never see any of you again.

speaking of which i can't wait to finish the HSC"

anyway, all of those things aside, here are the 2 retellings of the story which I actually found.

1:
So back in 1998-9 whenever it was I'm not sure where we were going, but we were in the car, and after a while for some reason I think it's a good idea to look behind/above me to the roof of the car and there's this spider there, the size of my hand in year 4 which I don't really remember the size of. So yeah, there's this spider there and I'm like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
and my brother's like "zzz wtf is it this time shut up OH SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" and then my parents stop the car and my dad gets the spider out of the car and apparantly he put it under the wheels of our car and drove off but I didn't really see that part.

Yeah, I've narrated things better than that. So anyway that was scary and every time I got into a car, I would always check the roof of the car before getting in. I never found a spider there again though. But I would always check the roof. For years. No matter which car it was. Every time, even in year 8. Last year I kind of dropped it a bit but still would regularly check, and I guess I've stopped this year but sometimes I still glance up there.

2:

like that time with the spider next to my head in the car which lead to long term my fear of spiders, and i wrote a 10/10 poem for it in year 7, or maybe 8 when we had brendan's teacher and got lots of merits, and i lost all of my year 7 merits.

I don't look around at the back/roof of the car at all, anymore. 

the kitchen in my house is slightly higher than the rest of the house, it changes from wood to tiles. and i couldn't drag the roach from the low ground to the high ground, or it would fall off the tissue.

kind of like this, lol

That post...
I don't know how to describe it. The fear of killing. I will not kill an insect (I can't find the strength to kill spiders that are 50 times smaller than your ring finger's fingernail.
I can't kill the dying cockroach, but I can leave it outside in the cold to die slowly and painfully.
I would never be able to shoot a person, but if there was some trigger-happy psychopath with a gun, I wouldn't hesitate to give orders to have them be shot.
I don't know. Strange. Maybe I just don't want to get my hands dirty. Like lady macbeth, except she derped and got blood on her hands anyway.


found this in one of my older posts as well. After HSC I should just go through all of my posts and appreciate all of the things I posted/shared which were worthwhile.

"Dave Grohl would say that the news of Cobain's death was "probably the worst thing that has happened to me in my life. I remember the day after that I woke up and I was heartbroken that he was gone. I just felt like, 'Okay, so I get to wake up today and have another day and he doesn't.'" While also believing that he knew that Cobain would die at an early age, saying that "sometimes you just can't save someone from themselves", and "in some ways, you kind of prepare yourself emotionally for that to be a reality."

Nirvana. If you think about it, in a way, Nirvana is like the heaven of buddhism and Earth via reincarnation is the hell.

Quote of the night:

[3:18:02 AM] Ray: yeah im fine
[3:18:04 AM] Ray: whats funny is
[3:18:06 AM] Ray: car accident
[3:18:09 AM] Ray: actually helped me calm down
[3:18:13 AM] Ray: and put everything into perspective
[3:18:20 AM] Ray: wots a little drama when you can easily die
[3:18:26 AM] Ray: or pay 10 grand in repair

maybe i'll go write up a farewell blog for sc2sea.


I still can't remember what it was I wanted to post about.


and then i made a farewell blog for sc2sea which turned out to be an advertisement for thei mpossible game and now it's 5am and i can hear birds, that's awesome. back in the day i used to wake up now and heard birds and couldn't go back to sleep.

and i can't still remember what post i wanted to wow i think ive been up too long i cant type

edit: holy sht it's dawn outside i accidentally all nightered i hate it when that happens