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did i really just eat 500g of lollies in 2days not including the chocolate?

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morning, I actually went to sleep at about 2:30 yesterday, although it took me about 30 mins to actually lose consciousness. And then I woke up and felt tired but thought "sigh it's probably 2pm again I better get up" but it was actually 7:40am and I thought "cool i just then created 6 more hours to my day" and got up. If you are wondering how to get more time in your day, don't sleep!

Now i'm thinking about polyphasic sleeping again. Like, seriously. The main thing stopping me is what if my eyes get too tired, but actually this might be better for my eyes. If I plan so I go outside and walk around for a bit about halfway through each 4 hour sleep cycle, I'll be effectively getting a 30 minute break from the computer every 2 hours.

I normally don't schedule my day, but if I schedule a 4 hour day it's not so hard.

I'll think about it again after HSC.

It's not fun unless other people stay up really late as well, though. Maybe I can read books from 4am-8am.

Or create a new flash game or something like that. Hmm.

Yes I'm srs.


Because I actually feel more awake than usual off 4.6 hours of sleep.

And you might think "but ur going to feel tired and go to sleep again sometime this afternoon"
but that's the whole point. If I actually keep this up it's going to start some kind of biphasic sleeping pattern (which I'm not going to do because I'll fall asleep in an exam).


People who do crazy things are fueled by those that doubt them


I felt really hungry when I woke up. Maybe when I don't wake up I'm actually really hungry as well but I'm too unconscious to realise it.



My dad just talked about what to do after the HSC, like as a holiday and he suggested going back to visit relatives or going to malaysia (I have no idea why he likes malaysia so much this isn't the first time he's mentioned it, he went there once and apparently it's really good over there otherwise he wouldn't bring it up every sdfasdf time something about travelling is discussed)

I'm not a travelling person. Not that I get homesick. But going places and experiencing different cultures doesn't excite me. Like, I appreciate it, but I don't really care too much about it. I think my feelings about other cultures are summarised by "cool culture bro"

I actually read this a long time ago when IdrA tweeted it, but I don't think I shared it. Then someone else talked about when they read it a long time ago when IdrA tweeted it and shared it, and I thought oh cool I remember this, I read it a long time ago when IdrA tweeted about it but I didn't share it but it's nice to see it again and it describes a life-concept that I agree with very effectively so I think I'll share it

and then I shared it

I like how at the end he employs hypocrisy and ignorance. I don't know how to describe it, but I do that in arguments too! at least I like to think I do.
(where arguments aren't a fight but the construction of a viewpoint much like essays pretend they do)


apparently there are people aren't actually working as hard as I thought most were, so yay! I feel like playing songs I'll probably go do that when I'm done with this post. I wish I could play things by ear. I actually can, easy chord songs and that, except the things which I actually want to play are complex and would probably take the most experienced musician a couple of days to figure out and I'm just a noob. I'm talking about swan song by the way. There are no tabs or sheet music for it, probably because the composer didn't use sheet music he just composed it. It's too fast.

and then today for real I'll go finish ext latin srs promise I have 3 hours until I usually wake up it's ok plenty of time


When I was attempting to obtain the state of unconsciousness yesterday and failing and thinking instead because why don't you try sleeping 2 hours earlier, one of the realisations I made was that I'm not actually going to miss a lot of people. Like, everyone who I didn't really know barely, talked to if at all. Maybe I should have, but hey I'm an introvert and I had my own internal problems to worry about. Anyway, I'm not going to miss those people, simply because I never knew them. That is pretty obvious, but I think it's important to make the distinction.

If you're reading this, I'm probably not going to miss you because I read your blog too.


The things I'm going to miss the most are the identity associated with being a baulko kid, the band and latin. In no particular order. Probably chess a bit as well, but only a bit. Maybe because it's been so long already.

I'm going to miss the funtimes of latin class. There's something that all latin people have in common (that isn't the fact that they know latin), some kind of quirkiness that I can't explain. Our class is definitely no exception.

Going to miss everyone a lot but especially Rebecca, the only other person on time to ext latin, beat me in both continuers and ext but I don't mind she is definitely better than me at it, last minute friends after hanging out on variety night day, honoured to be in her DP of the last canteen purchase ever (unless maybe after exams I feel like buying things for old time's sake)

Going to miss our teacher as well. I could add her on fb but it would be kind of weird because of how I use it, kind of like if you have your parents as friends and you don't want to say anything or use fb at all because your parents will be able to see it.

Going to be weird not seeing Ash around because we were (at first I typed "we're" but then oh wait) in the same class/study period 27 periods a week. That guy is so smart you won't even believe it, he just learns and understands things so fast that it doesn't even make sense. I always considered him as kind-of-like-a-colleague. It's a shame that he doesn't use social networking actively.

I'm going to miss playing music. The hecticness and hecticity of trying to get organised, and the 30/70 mix of relief/satisfaction when it actually comes together in the end. At some of my darkest times, playing music was the only thing I actually looked forward to. And then I never got to play walk at variety night, but that's okay. I wish we could have performed more of not-my-songs this year.

Even though Jack wasn't always there at the end, he didn't need to be and he had reasons. Still wish he was, though. (and william too but you don't get a dedicated shoutout because i'll probably see you again). Always had a lot of respect for him. I don't think I'll be seeing him again, which is pretty sad.

I'm going to miss Alysha who is just really nice, last minute kind-of-friends from what the heck is artshow and variety night. I appreciate that she put in the effort to learn songs which she didn't actually have to, and came to unorganised band practises when she could have been spending the last moments of high school with her friends.


sad


i don't feel as awake anymore


i've drunk too much tea in the last couple of hours


i don't really know jm that well anymore after we went down our separate paths and he stopped blogging. but i was still happy for him despite myself, still am, still have would absolute trust, and i'm thinking about stargirl the book. i think we are like old friends.


and i am tired which means im going to play music to wake myself up and have a headache while studying latin just like the old days when we had
study periods



i use the word "friend" very tightly. 
if i don't miss you it's a good thing