Fly - 18

ever since english, the ratio of maths:dota:dota+maths-at-the-same-time is probably 4:5:1

i still have 2006, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 ext2 papers to go through. i guess i'm not going to go through them. but all of this is ok because it's maths

i guess i'll just look through the questions and not do them

i don't know, i haven't really prepared that much but i already feel prepared


every now and then, not going to school feels kind of sad

it's that calm after the storm. that silence after the battle. that emptiness after the star having been pressured and compressed explodes in a supernova.

leaving school has been like leaving everything that defines my well being. i almost said leaving everything that defines me, but that's far from true.

before, a long while before, I was quite happy with the prospect of leaving because then I could stop wasting time and start dedicating it to things that I felt mattered, and things that I liked.

Now that I have that opportunity, all I really want to do is go back and waste time.

If we consider that "you only miss something after it's gone", and that "once you get what you want you quickly stop appreciating it", I think they're both subrules of the rule "you only want something that you don't have", which thinking about it is very true. And then thinking even more, of course it's very true because that's the definition of "want". Well, there's that definition of "want" that no one uses which is a noun meaning "a lack of something"

whatever

it's all end in 19 days, I can go do whatever I want. I can go become the best protoss player in SEA if I could be bothered to play that much, at the moment I don't really feel like it. I can go write half a novel, although I don't know if it will be worth it since it will be silly. I can go download Adobe Flash illegally and try figure out actionscripting and making a chess-like game, but that's probably going to go nowhere, because the way I have learned scripting is the equivalent of learning how to play songs without understanding music notation and theory first. I can go and play music or try figure out new songs by ear, but that's not going to work because I'm bad. I can go spend all day being a jerk to people who are bad at dota, which is probably going to happen.

I can go do whatever I want, but I don't feel like it.

Here is a little gem from KingdomOfLoathing.
Yummy Tummy bean 
This is a jelly bean. You're not sure what it's going to taste like, because Yummy Tummy jelly beans are renowned for their nearly infinite variety of flavors.

... This one tastes like... everything. Pineapple, shoe leather, sealing wax... everything. It turns out that tasting like everything is a lot like tasting like nothing.


I think that either describes it really well, or is completely irrelevant and makes no sense.


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that was yesterday (sat) and i have no idea what is

today is sunday and this will be irrelevant if i don't post it now.

tomorrow is ext2 and i probably should have done more work, but it's okay. i haven't timed myself doing a paper but that probably wouldn't have helped anyway. i was always just flipping to the solution instead of spending 30 mins thinking about it, so maybe i might get stuck many times in the test but it's ok

doesn't feel like an exam, lol. i think i prepared more for year 11 yearlies than hsc.

actually i think that's not true, i'm just so used to it now that it doesn't feel like anything.

i keep flipping back and forth between thinking "it would be sweet if i got 99.90" and "i'm going to do well no matter what i do now". but then, whatever i'm thinking, i still feel the same and do the same amount of studying/not studying anyway.

the 5 days between english and now have passed really really quickly. this whole break has felt like a holiday, except with studying. holidays go by fast. but we don't have those anymore

the months of after school holiday are going to pass pretty fast too.

it's almost 12, i'll try to sleep once it is. probably not going to be successful because of how past 2am i've been sleeping, but i can probably function without the sleep. maybe i'll lose 2 marks because of that sleep, but whatever

after nov 8 i'm going to biphasic sleep. going to set my alarm to 6 hours after i sleep and have a half an hour nap sometime in the day, which will be timed by uploading some kind of alarm sound to my ipod and making a playlist of stella + alarm or something like that.

also going to make sure i find time to go outside every day so i don't die

hmm

better sleep