Resolve

my dad just came back from adelaide. i didn't even realise while he was gone. isn't that funny.

i'm tired. i'm not exhausted, but i'm tired. i'm sick. not in the runny nose/sneeze way. not in the "screw the world" way. more in the having chocolate milk for breakfast and lunch, and having cake during chemistry way. i haven't done that, but that's just what it feels like. my eyes are tired, too.

sigh-ered.


it's okay. this is normal. it happens to everyone. maybe not now, but one day. i heard the last minute or so of "these days" on the bus back from ansto on the bus radio which was really really quiet. it was nice.




that's the last time i'll wear my sports uniform. the end of an era.



i'll work pretty hard for the hsc. not that i haven't been. not because i particularly care about getting in the high 99's, but just to do well for the school. i almost wrote dwell. the school has been a dwelling, an abode. and haven't we all grown so much living here. we've had our shares of achievements and glory. and our shares of regrets and "failure", although, failure is only an arrow that points us in the wrong direction. in short, it's done well for us as a sandbox for life. even though we might not be prepared to move on, we are more prepared to move on than we would be otherwise.

i think it has the perfect balance of academic, and niceness. this is the place where ballers are born.

and i think its results should reflect that, even more.


i saw a few of the sometimes-lonely white butterflies today. i thought they were gone because of the rain, but it looks like some of them are still here. still alive and darting around, even after the storm. good for them.



we are who we are today because of everything that has happened yesterday. all of the things we remember fondly, and all of the things we regret. every mistake we have ever made has set us on this path, which is a good one. and while you might say that not making our mistakes would have set us on a better path than this, which may be true in some ways, that path is one of arrogance, without learning the lessons that our mistakes teach us.

similarly, the mistakes we make today set us on a path for tomorrow. but sometimes i wonder, wouldn't it be a better path if these mistakes weren't made?

sometimes i wonder, but eventually i remember that there's no point dwelling on it. there's no point dwelling on anything. we can't change what we're given. wondering is just pointless speculation.