okay

sometimes i don't have any songs that appropritate to the time to use at titles, and end up with nothing. normally it isn't much but this time i feel very annoyed at that.

so i was thinking about just then (and actually many times in the past):

what if one day in the future, there becomes technology available that lets someone relive someone elses memories?

well, firstly the world as we know it would end because suddenly privacy (which is kind of a synonym for lying) would not exist and it just wouldn't work.

but if we ignore that

what if one day in the future there was this tech, and i would find myself walking to some psychologist, and i would talk to him for a while, and he would tell me that he could examine my memories.

and then as soon as he begins to do that, suddenly life flashes and i'm the psychologist again, with my head still hazy from the experience.

i wouldn't mind that.

you have to live it to understand it. i say that sometimes, mostly not aloud.



so what if you have a dream. and you live in there for a while. but as soon as you realise it's a dream, you have three seconds to reflect on that before you are whisked away to another dream, and all of your memories wiped. and as soon as you realise that is a dream, all of your memories are restored and you get three seconds to reflect on that. and then you are whisked away and all your memories are wiped again. until you realise its a dream. and it could go on forever.

how strange would that be?

what would you feel in those three seconds, if you had lived through a thousand dreams?


maybe life, death, and reincarnation could be like that. i hope it is, and i hope it is like that. that would be awesome. i mean, otherwise, reincarnation seems so purposeless if it's just live, die, live again starting from scratch, die, etc.

that's not even reincarnation. it's not reincarnation unless there is some remnant of the past life. if there was some greater spirit living each of those lives, then that would be awesome. that would be worth it.

and maybe all of this doesn't even have to be in the same universe. maybe each life is in a different one, with different rules and different laws (which is a synonym for rules). like dreams of magic and dreams of defying gravity (unless i'm the only one who occasionally has dreams of defying gravity, and to be honest i don't dream of magic often, if at all. not sure if i ever have, unless defying gravity is magic).

and in the end, if there ever is one, the spirit can stop and contemplate all those different lives, and then ...

and then i don't know. what does the spirit do then, where is the spirit if it isn't in a universe? i dunno. that's something we'll never know


every dream you dream is real. every dream is a vision of a parallel universe. and some parallel universes are just what we call "the future". for some of those dreams, it's your job to make them a reality by changing this universe as you see fit until it becomes that one.

this is weird, i'm getting an image in my head of a galaxy of particles being constantly rearranged, tossed and turned, by an invisible hand. and that's time. time is just that invisible hand changing this universe as it sees fit.


and this universe, and "the future" of this universe are parallel, so they are coexisting. the future, the past, and the present are all happening at the same time.? and maybe time travel is just travelling between parallel universes.

i hope i'm not going through all of this too fast. i hope i didn't need to reiterate to clarify somewhere back there, about everything that's being thought of by me.


and if time travel is travelling between parallel universes, maybe the "multiple timeline" theory of time travel is the correct one. because... okay, now even i can't keep up with my train of thought. come on, brain, make sense of this

so if you travelled back in time... and you changed something... it would be different... and then ...

okay maybe the "it's all the same timeline" theory is correct. okay i don't even know, time travel makes no sense.






i'ved stayed up too long it's 2:04 and there's a smaller roach in my room climbing up the walls and i skipped a beat when it lost its grip and fell down the wall about 1 metre, making a "thzzt" noise.


i can't feel that undescribe-able feeling from before, anymore. i can't even remember exactly what it was.


//the roach just flew from one wall to the adjacent one. "bzzzt"


and that's why i sometimes like thinking. thinking about things that have no answer, that is.



sometimes when i'm upset, i just pay attention in class. it works most effectively in maths, because maths is usually lecture-like. i just pay attention and learn, and by the end, i'm only thinking about polynomials and things like that.


should probably go to sleep. i'm going to just completely ignore the roach and any noises i hear while i'm trying to sleep. it won't creep me out or keep me awake knowing it's in the room, because i know it won't. i'm sure of it

and this isn't even sarcasm, which a lot of things i type are. like, it isn't. <-- that comment wasn't sarcasm either, for sarcasm within sarcasm.

roach?
meh