Tomorrow

what do you want to do in uni?
i dont know
do your friends know what they want to do in uni
i dont know
maybe you sohuld do pharmacy
i dont know


people who talk about other people to you probably talk about you to other people


i don't like it when my mum talks about my brother like that. things going on about my brother's 21st, and they call him and ask "are you even up to the stage where you think you will marry her?" and he said yes. he didn't even hesitate, and i could hear it through the phone.

felt so proud of him.

then i felt so tired and not hungry so came here to type



last holidays were different because no dreams. very, very very few dreams. i forgot to mention that all holidays, probably forgot because there werent any. almost no dreams of school. remember when i said that you only dream of things which are missing? i still think that. but school hasn't been missing for me. it's just gone. i don't even care anymore, i know that i don't know a lot of maths well enough and i'm incredibly shit at chemistry, but i don't even care. i never thought i'd burn-out, maybe i haven't, maybe i'm wrong.

maybe no dreams was just sleeping on average 2-3am


sigh. photos. i don't want photos. i remember last year, at photos. i'm so stupid.

I remember last year. it wasn't even as bad as i thought it was. everything was actually fine, i just didn't know it then.

eyes so tired


tomorrow i'm going to wake up, and have a terrible day. but thats okay




this year and last i didn't have any back to school anxiety. i didn't have the triple check to make sure you have everything set for tomorrow. i didn't have the cant sleep school tomorrow. i didn't have the i sure hope everyone's at the bus stop. i sure hope i'm wearing the right shoes (this one time i didnt so i was late, funnily enough that was one of the times where i wasn't anxious i think it was on the 2nd or 3rd day back in like year 10). i didn't have any feeling of "oh yay, school, i cant wait to see everyone i know". i didn't have any feeling of "aw, i wish the holidays were longer" although that didn't stop me from saying things like that. i just thought "oh, school's tomorrow. okay." i guess ever since around now last year i haven't had any of that. i just think things like "oh, holidays are in three days. okay."

okay, then.


but school has been pretty easy to adjust to, although i cant say with only two days down.

a year 7 asked me for directions today. i think that might have been one of the nicest real-life moment this year.

year 7 haters. i don't even care enough to get annoyed at you anymore. a simple "lol, fuck you" and then i'm done with being annoyed.



all subjects expecting so much work to be done. i've noticed that. i only do four subjects and i'm already tired of it. i dont know how people who do more subjects can cope. i've done no homework this year, and i'm already sick of homework.



why do they call it learning? only about 10% of school success is learning. 90% is remembering.

remembering shit that you will never need after the end of this year. i forgot pretty much all in 6 weeks. first year uni, probably will have forgotten how to differentiate.



aa bought me an ipod nano as a early birthday kind of thing. i've needed one of these for about a year. but i've never considered getting one, because i have never thought of getting one. those are the best kind of gifts. like a GG button, except i know what those are now, so that doesn't count.

i used to say things like "i dont want to become one of those guys who listens to music on an ipod in school etc". i still don't really. the only difference now is that i have an ipod, and i don't care.

things i have noticed about it: self conscious making sure sound doesnt leak out of the back of the earphones. will probably become less self conscious when i realise you have to be like 2cm away to hear anything at all. can hear all other sounds as well. can hear bus music on the bus for double songs at a time. can hear loud cars on the road, leading to turning volume up which doesnt help. other people who are listening to music, quite a lot of people. earphones are okay, but outdoor headphones look retarded and increase likelyhood of being hit by cars, even if they do shut out noise.


previous to this i realised that when i'm trying to sleep, on some nights i will hear music in my head as i'm almost drifting off. like, not having a song stuck in my head. more than that. it's pretty much the same thing as having earphones in and listening to a song. and i will realise that i have this song in my head, and ill wake up and my blood flow will pick up a bit and i'll be awake again, and suddenly i can't hear it anymore. and then i'll be a bit annoyed because now i have to try to sleep again. sometimes they are songs which i have heard before and know.
sometimes they are songs which i have never heard before. if i were a composer, whenever this happened i would get out of bed and try to record the melody/beat so i could replicate it later after i go back to sleep. but i'm not a composer, and every time that happens i forget about it and let the tune fade away into forgotten. perhaps someone else will find it in the future.

evidently, this forgetting happens a lot because i've wanted to talk about hearing music when im trying to sleep for a long time, probably like 12 months, and maybe i have mentioned it like once or twice but i don't think i've made a big deal out of it.

yeah. that happens to me, and stuff.

tomorrow i'll wake up and think "today will be a terrible day!" and it will be a normal day