94 - Stella

yes, this song again. If I'm listening to music in a study period, it's 7/10 times it's going to be this song. It's been like that since almost ever. That's like 28 minutes out of 40. - - - It's not on repeat, it's just 36-37 whatever minutes long.

Several days I reflected upon how much I hate having pets. Well, I don't have any. I reflected upon how much I hate living in the same dwelling as pets. It's not taking care of them, or investing time, or anything like that. Because I don't. Other people do, I have better things to do. I was going to make a post about it, but then I couldn't be bothered.

Last night the Muses visited me and bestowed to me visions and words, camera angles of scenes, dialogue, and the exact emotion of the characters. I was like "sigh I don't want to get up into the cold to write things down" but I did anyway. I wrote "belonging story pets" on a sheet of paper which is right now in the recycling bin because I used it for ext2maths earlier tonight.

The next morning I woke up and remembered quite most of it on the bus and over the course of the day, wrote out like half of it on paper. I don't know how many words it's going to be but if it isn't 800 I can make it 800 because it should be 800 as there's enough content.


I hate having pets because of the sympathy that I have for them. Being a pet is stupid. If I was a pet I would tell myself to go kill myself, OH WAIT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE PETS DON'T HAVE GUNS AND ETC.

man I should write a speech or something. About conflicting perspectives. Why am I here.


In short, being a pet is stupid and if I were a pet I would be devastated to have my siblings and only friends for my entire life so far, who have been there for my entire life so far, taken away by daniel's brother's friends.

My brother wants to keep the last two, but personally, with all of the matters that happened with Charcoal and MiaoMiao before, and everything that was tied up in the past, I don't even want any of it.



Pet
I don't remember much of my childhood
I had a twin sister
mum raised us alone
I never met dad
mum said she knew him for a couple of years but one day he just disappeaered. She didn't know why or what happened to him,. Apparently she searched for him every day for a few months. She wandered through every part of the Garden, but never could find even a trace of him.
Oh, the Garden. We lived in a strange place. Mum called it Sanctuary. She said that it wasn't our home, but it belonged to the Angels. The Angels, our almighty protectors.


Matter happens and things are written and it's not belonging. That's the draft three drafts before the first. The concept is all that I'm trying for here.



In the end, "I" tell the new Angels, having been relocated and torn away from my family, after I realise that they, along with everything that exists, can't understand I single word I say, not even others of my kind, who speak in strange giberish language that I can't comprehend, that I hate them and I hope they all die, I beat one of their huge, fluffy-from-fur chairs as hard as I can, I do some equally destructive thing, and I dive and bring one of their giant glasses to the ground, and get many cuts on my arm. "I hate you, Angels" (cleverly altered from original thought "fuck you") I say, and they don't know and they don't hurt me back, but they gingerly pick me up and wrap the wounds to the best of their ability. But nothing from Angels can heal my wounds.

Mum used to write sometimes but I never asked her to teach me. I wish I knew how, I wish there was some way in which I could just express myself, and just communicate to something. But I can't. All of my kind are trapped alone on islands.



the last part was stupid and contradictory because I realised that I would just go somehow communicate with likeminded nephalem, and it wouldn't be isolation in utter darkness. so that must go.

I didn't write the paragraph above it though, that was from just then. I must still have the Muses' blessing.


the only part i'm unsure about is if this has been done before, and 2% of people end up writing things like this. in which case my  belonging story will just be lashing out at the board of studies.


i didn't end up writing that story about belonging and not belonging at a LAN tournament.



i really need to write a speech. to be honest, i think i have enough to get a 8/10 at best. and i can get "at best". and i'm happy with an 8/10. because of things discussed in previous posts. i think that's why i'm not very worried.

speeches were more fun when they were to convey and discuss and entertain. not when they were to - it's just an essay.


still beats real essays though



is anyone interested in owning a getting older kitten, kindergarten aged kitten not toddler kitten? because feel free to completely destroy its life and make it want to die awww but it's so cute!!