Brainy

There are these birds that live around here and they have this distinct call. The call hasn't changed from generations, it's the same one, I remember it since ever. Today I was outside and I noticed that there were two birds, one far and one close, and I realised that they were calling to each other. After a moment, the far away bird would start the call, and the closer one would finish it. Like ending each other's sentences.

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That was ... Sunday. Today is Friday. Yesterday I kept thinking "wait, it's not Friday". I thought it was Friday, and I couldn't stop.

I saw a flock today in the morning when I caught the 9:03 train from Denistone for my 9am lecture. they were more than a flock they were a society, shouting their lungs out because they did not give any cares. There were a couple of birds of a different species flying around as well, but they were excluded because they aren't the right species. Birds have to interact with birds of other species, but it's not quite the same for us. We're pretty unique, probably.

I saw the flock and wondered, what do they think about humans?

I dunno. Maybe it's like how we look at the sun and the orbits of planets and moons and think "these things do those things which is why our world is like this". Thank you sun, for growing food for us to scavenge.

Maybe we don't need to worry about global warming, because the chances are, some one is going to find a way. There is too much un-harnessed energy.



It's very cold in the mornings and evenings. I have to bring an extra layer to wear, even though the days are warm.

On particular mornings, as I head off to go to uni I noticed that I often \thought, or muttered under my breath, or something in between\ the line "I'm tired I'm freezing I'm dumb". I don't know how long this has been going for, but I think that is kind of how I feel. I don't have the best self-talk.

Today, or maybe it was yesterday or the day before I concluded that maybe I have something like a bipolar self-esteem. Even though concluding something to be "maybe" isn't a very solid conclusion.

I don't think it affects me that much. I probably wouldn't be any different if I didn't have these thoughts. I think.


Teamwork in computing is so much more important than any other. Because having other people to help write and debug code is just really really necessary. No one can do everything. Except people who already know the material we are learning, I guess. Maybe it's kind of like having people read through your essay or help you write it. I never did that because I was very self-conscious about my words and would rather do poorly than to be reminded that I'm bad.

Code is different. Like an objective essay. It is right or wrong. It works or doesn't. There is nothing for me to be ashamed about.


I saw this, and if the captions are right, I think it is very admirable. These people have the right idea and they are doing it right.

 

 

I don't think I can post this yet.

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that was all from week 3 and 4. It's sunday before week 6 now. There are a lot of things to do but I've been playing games instead (and now I am here). I guess every week is like this, anyway. I think I can get everything done in the last minute (and so far I have been right), so that's what I do. I don't know if this is good or bad time management.

I like maths because even though it is hard, it isn't time consuming. If I have to write an essay or a report I spent so much time on it and end up doing badly. They are worst.



Re: "initiative and that voice that tells me I'm retarded", also known as doubt

hmm


Most of the time I accept what life gives me and I don't go out of my way to create opportunities for myself and this is a weakness. But that's just how I am

... no, that's not the right way to think about it. If I practised leaps of faith I would be able to do them.


I think I am already capable of of overcoming doubt because I have.


The other week I changed my phone's lock screen text from the default "life companion" to "inspiration and truth".

It was from that time I said something like "my religion is 1. don't be a (jerk) 2. seek inspiration". I think I added truth later as an afterthought.

I think these are good principles to live by. Someone said something like "what if you are inspired to be a jerk?". You wouldn't do it. I think I gave an analogy, something like \if the rules were 1. fold rabbits 2. sheep are sacred, this doesn't mean you are allowed to fold rabbits out of sheepskin.


Anyway, I think my issue isn't doubt, it's finding inspiration. When the time comes I will find more, but I am quite okay at the moment.


mornings are okay now, as well. I also think the line "I was less than amazing" a lot, and I thought about changing the title from phoenix rising to that, but I never got around to that and I'll probably forget about it soon.


I haven't been on the piano as much recently. Last week I think I was capable of playing any part of it up to speed, but if I tried to play the whole song in one go, I was guaranteed to screw up somewhere. It's kind of like how having a computer do things (such as row reducing a matrix) for you is necesssary. Even though there is a small chance you will get something like basic subtraction wrong, when you have to do it 100 times, suddenly that chance is significant.

I haven't been on the guitar for even longer, I haven't listened to new things for even longer, but I think music is still relevant to me.
I like stella especially.