Felicity

//2:15 saturday

It's 2:16 now. I just opened this and put my head on the desk and thought of what to say. I thought of things too fast, I found it difficult to turn them into words unless I kept stopping and waiting for myself. I always thought communication could be so much faster, with almost limitless potential if we could communicate in thought. But then we would lose double meanings, lies, and every other important thing that skews our thoughts when we translate them. I always thought that too.

probably


I'm here because I fell asleep somewhere between 4 and 5 and woke up somewhere between 9 and 9:30.

I end late on wednesdays (and most likely most thursdays too) and have 9ams on thursday and friday. I get through the day normally, because I guess I've grown enough and don't need proper sleep to get through the day. i guess


I ended late this thursday because I stayed behind to help high school kids learn programming. I didn't teach or lead the class or things like that, I just went around helping people individually. It was a lot of fun and I probably should have talked about this when I still had some enthusiasm in me.

Maybe one of the more significant things about this is that doing things like this is contributing a little back to society, which is something I don't really do. I can feel a little better because I'm not completely a resource-absorbing burden to society. My mum recently asked why I didn't try to get a job as a tutor, and I guess I don't really have any excuse except that I'm lazy.

I don't think I would have minded losing a few hours each week, but the hard part for me would be to go out and look for a job.

I rarely go out and create opportunities for myself. I guess I just do the best I can with what I am given. i guess


My lecturers and tutors aren't all exceptional like last semester but I don't really mind. they are ok.
 I probably won't do as well as last semester, and I don't really mind that either. I don't think I ever did.

It's 2:54, I'm really slow at this. I keep thinking of the next topic while typing the current one, so I end up getting stuck a lot.

I think I will like this semester more than last semester, which apparently is possible. cool

As content gets more and more complex over the rest of uni I will probably get worse and worse at it. Because I am not working very hard. Maybe because I don't need to yet, probably because I won't find motivation to. But I don't really mind that either.

Even though these words might sound like the opposite, I'm happy.
Well, these words don't sound anything. I have been saying everything I've written here very slowly and tired.


Every year or maybe two we go to the Nan Tien temple in Wollongong. This year ... was it for Chinese New Year?... or was it even this year, I can't remember. You can kind of wish for things by lighting a candle and placing it with a card, or throwing a coin with a ribbon at a tree so that it gets stuck on the branches, and probably other things. My mum gets me the do-well-academically one. I always wonder because I don't put attach much importance to it. There are so many other better wishes. if it were purely up to me, I would just pay my respects without wishing.

We also get a poster that we stick to our doors. I think there is one on my door but I can't remember what it says. I'm not even sure if it's still there anymore. I think it is.

I think there is one on the front door, and that it says "may everything go perfectly for you". And I have been thinking about that in the last couple of weeks. because i don't really know what

There is "perfect" which essentially means flawless, but "perfect" is a flaw in itself. for me, disregarding the paradox. Everything has not been "perfect". And of course, it never is. But in some ways, everything has been almost perfect. perfect enough. and I prefer this over "perfect". i think.
So the meaning of perfect for me right now would be this almost-perfect. and thus the poster has worked.

I think I ended up figuring that all these definitions and specifics don't really matter and it's just whether I am happy or not.

I am. and that's perfect.

i guess