Walk

we went to google today! google seems so cool. I want to work there. But then again, everyone wants to work there. Am I good enough to go there? I don't know.

In mgmt they talk about being "employable" a lot. What employers are looking for in people. And when I think about that, I think I'm employable. If I ever needed to employ someone, and also needed to be employed, I would employ myself. but that's just me

I think I would be okay at programming or something in that field. I understand everything, except for syntax but that's syntax, and others might be slower to learn/learn to apply things. But then there are those people who are already programming masters, and maybe I'm bad.

I remember my mum pointing out that my brother would compare himself with people who were worse than him., instead of comparing with people better and striving to catch up to those people. I'm trying to think about myself. I think I compare myself with my own ideals of what I should be.

I guess those ideals are partially shaped by others.


Sometimes when I hear things, I think "that's so awesome, I wish I could play the drums like that. I wish I could play drums in general." and then sometimes there is a bit of sadness because that will never be.


A day or two ago I arranged my library in order of plays. And I thought it was awesome because it told a story. Many stories. Apparently I really liked walk for a long time. like, really liked it. I still do! It's #1, by a long shot! man i love that song

That began around ... early-mid 2011. That makes sense!

I think it made me feel happy(er) when I listened to it. I think it still does!

and then there is stella, and I guess that isn't a surprise. If you calculate it in time measured listening to song, stella is 540% of walk. lol!


there are so many stories there! nevermind!


oh, we caught that train that gets to eastwood just before 10:37 today. That train again!


One thing I not-like about trains and buses are that even though the music volume is up pretty high, the noise still cancels out a lot of it. And that really sucks. It's 1:29 and I have the volume up moderately high in relation to the silence of the house, and only now can I recall what things are meant to sound like.

I remember harvard once said something about music being undamaging as long as it's below 50% volume. That makes no sense! some songs are naturally louder


I wish I could play the drums! I'm wasting light, by the way. It's been too long! Thanks Harvard!


I went to a management workshop today, where they told us how to write our essays. And then I pretty much fell asleep for all of it! it was awesome! because lecture sleep is different

it's like you close your eyes, but you are not asleep, you can still hear everything, but all the sounds twirls around into a quiet, comforting mumble in the distance. And you're still conscious, but you start dreaming. And at the end of the dream you open your eyes a little bit, and forget the entire dream in the span of a couple of seconds. And then you feel like closing them again!

and those cycles went on from about 3:15-3:45, but the whole time I was periodically looking at the clock and listening for a few seconds before drifting away again. Like, I was perfectly aware of the passage of time, and the rate, and I don't know how to explain it but it's some state where I'm both conscious and unconscious.

and it's awesome!

I had my book out and wrote two lines!


I wonder what those dreams were. probably some things abstract and silly.


I haven't played guitar in a while. some people at camp played the guitar. i want to play in a band again! those times were awesome!

a few people asked "how was camp?" at the end of camp. and I said it was alright. and sometimes that meant all right, and sometimes that meant alright. it was both!

the people that organised it did such a great job. like, everything ran pretty much relatively perfectly. well done to them!

but even so, that doesn't mean i will like everything and everything.

at the end I reflected and thought that while the camp's purpose was to meet new people and friends, and while I did meet some new people and friends, ultimately I think the main thing I got out of camp was being in the same place with friends for a couple of days.

I guess this entire past week has just been internally appreciating the existence of people, and internally taking-them-less-for-granted.

we made a mini twitter thing at google, and i already forgot everything!

"I love my friends! their existence makes me happy!"

there was one more thing I wanted to talk about, and I was about to type "but I forgot what it was, and that sucks!" but I just remembered it mid sentence
!


when I read or hear something that triggers the thought "secrets", I wonder what my secrets are. And I can never think of anything that isn't stupid.

But today, or maybe it was yesterday or within the last week, I realised that this blog is a secret. I have a secret! awesome!

but why would I even blog if I don't want everyone to read it? I think if "everyone" read this, I would be self-conscious writing, and then I wouldn't be writing at all.

I guess there is already a level of self-consciousness here since I don't talk about everything. And that is all right, because it should be like this.




and there was another thing, but that thing is stupid.

and there was another thing again, but I forgot this one.


other things which are unimportant. i guess everything is actually unimportant. normally i set my alarm one hour before the train. on monday i set it one hour after one hour before the train. ie, i set it just as the train was train. and anyway, long story short, my dad could still take me to unsw and i got there with 0 minutes to spare, and it was alright.


i'm so lazy! i could be less lazy, but i'm not. maybe it's because tertiary education is unimportant.


i went on an unfollowing spree because when i came back from camp i had too many tweets, it only went back for like 2 days, and i'll never get to see any tweets from before that.
i shouldn't be awake