Slow Years

please stop bleeding nose

although at least its now and not during the half yearlies


silver lining is stupid. why can't it be not now and also not during the half yearlies. what if it continues into the half yearlies anyway? now and the half yearlies are two completely separate times.

****ing optimists





lorikeets are back. ducks, who i thought were dead, are back. white butterflies seemed to have departed. saw a couple of black day-moths instead.



It's important not to care about things too much. I guess a better way to put that is that it's important not to value things too highly. actually no, that's not what i want.

It's important not to worry about things which you care about. exemplified,

you usually derive extreme utility from caring for your goldfish. then you're told that your goldfish has two weeks left to live. or actually, you're told that you're goldfish is going to die in two weeks. i like that one better. and then you spend the next two weeks crying with your goldfish, and then your goldfish dies.

or, if you weren't told that your goldfish had two weeks left to live, you would have spent those 2 weeks as normal before your goldfish abruptly died.


i think the latter is the better


i had a point to this about an hour ago, but that was an hour ago


maybe it should be that you shouldn't worry about things that you care about because then you'll spend the remaining time mourning instead of happy.

yeah, that's it



I think i was thinking something along the lines of 'it's good that i don't want to go to school because then it will be easy once the time is up. those suckers who like school (no offense*) have to spend the final weeks leading up to the end sadly.

*still think you're suckers though



something like that. embrace the end, don't mourn until the death itself.




a while ago when it was like -30 in the other hemisphere i remember my mum saying something about people who fell asleep outdoors and they never woke up because it was -30.


i don't know why i remembered it now, but i think that is a really not unpleasant way to die. knowing that once you fell asleep, you would never wake up. and feeling drowsiness slowly seeping in, and ah, this is the end.

of course those people didn't know that they wouldn't wake up. but if you did know, that would be not unpleasant.

sorry if that seems mad (actually i'm not sorry i don't know why i would be). a sudden death doesn't appeal to me. neither does one where you're being hunted down and fearing for your life. heart attacks, not really either. i guess dying in your sleep in old age isn't so bad, except you don't know which sleep will be your final one.

that's why i think this is very not unpleasant. maybe because you can look forward to death in this situation because you're so tired and you just want to sleep.



hmm, maybe having a chocolate muffin and a cup of coke for lunch isn't good for me or something. or something.