stranger things

I think there's something horribly wrong with me. I think I'm rational, but insane. There's something horribly wrong with me but I can't really explain because I don't know myself. I don't know where to start. But I'm pretty sure it's me because it isn't happening to anyone else.

sometimes i feel so unmotivated for absolutely everything. sometimes i sit here and feel like nothing. i don't feel like playing games. i don't feel like playing any music. i don't feel like writing, i don't feel like surfing the web. i don't feel like doing my homework or studying. i don't feel like eating. and i don't feel like sleeping either. it's one of the worst feelings. it's terrible being completely idle and unmoving. but i don't feel like lifting my arms or moving at all, either.

i hate being at school. i hate travelling to and from school. i hate being at home in front of the computer all day. funnily enough, that sums up my entire day, every day.

i hate going to sleep when it doesn't work straight away, which is most of the time. i hate waking up. i'm unconscious while i'm asleep, so i can't really hate that. i probably would hate it as well if i were conscious, though.

i guess the best part of my day is when i'm unconscious.


i went to get a haircut today. i hated waiting and walking amongst everyone at eastwood.

they opened up the other entrance to the carpark again. now it's back to normal. you wouldn't even be able to tell that there was a fire anymore. it's like how you wouldn't remember that there was also a church, and a petrol station.


one of my cousins is coming to australia to study, and she is going to live with us. i'm not really looking forward to that.

my parents are also planning to extend the house. i'm not really looking forward to that, either.


oh yes, reports. i noticed that you guys arent the mark sharing/competing type.

well, i didn't get straight a's. i got a b for english advanced, with a mark of 88.

and apparently i was wrong about economics, my economics mark was one higher than chemistry.

and i'm glad i dropped english extension, even though it's "disappointing". it was my worst subject, even though the principal said it was a shame that i dropped it because i was apparently doing well.


i had a game with moonglade today. if you didn't know, he's considered as the best player from south east asia. i didn't win, naturally. there are a lot of people better than me and i've lost a lot of games today. oh well.


apparently these days are meant to be the best of our lives. that's impossible, i think. but then i look at the future, and it's true. it's a sad truth.


i've pretty much given up on nanowrimo. maybe i'll get 10k words. i don't know why i began in the first place. if i did extension two english i would have done a short film.