Green Gloves

A couple of months ago I noticed that the graffiti of Kurt Cobain (or at least I think that's who it was) between Stanmore and Newtown was graffitied over. I always liked that one. I thought it was impressive, one of the good pieces of graffiti amongst all of the rest - people writing their graffiti alias over and over. The resulting graffiti made him look like some scary demon thing of mostly black and white. I thought it was sad. Like some kind of loss. I thought, maybe this is what people feel when their plain painted wall gets graffiti in the first place.

How things have changed. Kind of. Some things. Are different. Many things. Different, but not entirely surprising. I haven't written here in a while. Maybe because before I was here often because I had nowhere else to go. I haven't read here as much, either. Or maybe that should be, "as frequently". Not that I created much of an impact when I did.

What does it matter? You're here with us now. I can't believe it. How have you been? It's been so long

I applied to be a tutor this semester. I felt like this time I did a much better job of it, so I was somewhat disappointed when I didn't get chosen. The way the system works is that you make your application, and lecturers contact those who they are interested in. As far as I know, this happens maybe 1-2 weeks before the semester starts. So during this time you wait and see, and you don't think about it too much because you have better things to do, but it's in the back of your mind. Where "it" is the lack of responses. There is no rejection email, so losing hope is a slow process.

I figured I wouldn't bother next year.

It was a surprise then, getting an email during the first week about a subject I didn't even apply for. There are more people enrolled in it this year, and some of the classes are larger because they could fit more people in the newly renovated building/labs, and those classes needed a second tutor because tutors' time was already spread thin in the smaller classes. My guess is that the email went to current tutors for that subject and people who got a HD in previous years and applied to tutor any subject that semester. So I guess through some kind of luck I get to be 2/3rds of a tutor this semester. I was somewhat glad I didn't get to be a tutor last semester, because I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I am somewhat glad I don't get to be a full tutor this semester, for this subject at least, because I wouldn't be as good as the other people already there.

There are surprisingly few places in Sydney that look like places I would want to work. Right now that number is 2, and I am in the application process for 3. I guess I have to hope I can make one of those two. One of my criteria was "people don't wear suits". I don't want to go somewhere where everyone wears formal attire. I might not feel like I belong there.

I thought that I'm lucky to know so many high achieving people that push or pressure me to do the same. Because otherwise I probably wouldn't be bothered to do anything.

I haven't been listening to music very often. It's strange hearing some of it now, because I remember my past. Different now.

Yeah, it's been ages. An eternity


I don't like the city. I am scared of strangers because they might be dangerous.
I am not brave. I am pretty weak.
I often sulk. But I am forgiving.
I am growing up. Where the breadth of the friend set starts mattering less, not that it really mattered that much in the first place, and they are just people I know.